August 8, 2006
Treasure has its price.
Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba. She is a force of nature. She is colored to a golden brown that doesn’t exist in nature. She finds a way to wear a bikini bottom in scenes where she doesn’t have to. Based on her lawsuit against Playboy for implying that she’d be naked inside its pages, we can bet she’ll probably never be naked in a film. This is probably the closest we’re going to get. She is reason enough to see this ridiculous movie.
What’s it about? Paul Walker (no slouch in the hotty department) is a treasure hunter in the Bahamas who hasn’t had much luck finding anything. His buddy Scott Caan comes down to visit with a blonde he met the night before. We’re to believe that Caan is a lawyer. They go snorkeling and jet skiing on the luxury yacht of one of his clients. They also turn out to be x-game champion proficient, doing flips and twists over the wake of the huge boat as Alba drives. While snorkeling, it becomes clear that none of them (even the New York City girl) require oxygen as normal humans do. Walker especially can hold his breath for 3 or 4 minutes. They explore and come across a wrecked plane full of cocaine. They begin to argue, A SIMPLE PLAN style, about what, if anything, to do about it. At exactly the same time, Walker finds the treasure-score of the century, the Zephyr, thought to be worth millions of dollars.
The bad guys want their dope back, the good guys are really bad guys, the good girl is a bad girl, and Alba is hot.
Walker actually outsmarts the bad guys by jumping off a boat in the middle of the Atlantic and holding his breath long enough for them to lose him. At one point a wild shark is used as a defense against a bad guy. Tyson is a bad guy. And the one actor on screen who is supposed to be straggly and ugly and over the hill is played by Josh Brolin, who presently can be found most nights lying in bed next to Diane Lane. So the attractiveness level is set kinda high.
But if you want to see beautiful coral and water and hot semi-dressed people, go rent this one. Just don’t think about it.